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So You Want a Good Christian Husband, Aye?

If you have been around the church very long, especially in the singles group, you have heard about women looking for a good Christian husband.  And if you have, I’ll bet no one has told you what that is. To many a desperate women, it is a guy that will crawl out of bed every Sunday morning, get dressed and take the family to church; a guy who will say grace with the household even when company is not there.  But to the more ambitious husband hunters, it means an inspiring goal oriented fellow who will become the successful centerpiece and CEO, of a multi-million dollar wandering star evangelistic association.  Hey, some of those preacher celebs are gathering a million dollars’ worth of fruit every year one way or another.  And may it be suggested, “Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.”  In other words, you’ll know them by what they are collecting in their fruit baskets.  The apostle Paul, for example, only collected from his flock, spiritual fruit unto God.  (Romans 1:13, 6:22, 7:4) 

Well, while reading the word of God the other day, it struck me, as most mothers may not understand what a good Christian son is, the hopefuls for a hubby do not understand what a good Christian husband is, either.  Let’s look at Mother Zebedee’s request for her sons in ministry…

Matthew 20:20-23

Then came to him the mother of Zebedee’s children with her sons, worshipping him, and desiring a certain thing of him.  And he said unto her, What wilt thou? She saith unto him, Grant that these my two sons may sit, the one on thy right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom.  But Jesus answered and said, Ye know not what ye ask. Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They say unto him, We are able.  And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with: but to sit on my right hand, and on my left, is not mine to give, but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared of my Father.

I am certain, if Mrs. Zebedee could update her aspirations today, would want her sons to be, at least, pastors of well-manicured suburban churches with a hefty paycheck and good family insurance.  And, maybe, if all her desires could come true, her boys would operate a contemporary glass cathedral where presidents, kings, and movie stars would be interviewed on TV to reveal their benign religious beliefs.  But statelier maters might prefer a Gothic Cathedral with flying buttresses where the little cherubs could be enthroned on platforms like Roman Catholic cardinals, and, dressed in ornate religious ballroom gowns to boot.

In the above scripture, we read of the naivety of the Mrs. Zebedee’s plea; but unknowingly her request includes the persecution of her sons as other members of the body of Christ, and more so as apostles.  Look out, “You know not what you ask.”

So, when the Lord checked with her sons, and asked them, “Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They say unto him, We are able.”  And, of course, they would say so, being as naïve as mom.  But in time they would realize the gravity of the truth, but only after they were empowered supernaturally to drink that cup and be baptized with that baptism that Christ was baptized with.  You know, the cup of doing what your heavenly Father wants you to do, though it may be an abhorrent idea to you, like taking up your cross and following him in line to be crucified.

The following Scriptures reveal some of the conditions and promises for would-be wives to consider who are seeking for a good Christian husband.

Luke 9:58

And Jesus said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.

There is no guarantee of a home or church building for the servant of the Lord, because his real and permanent home and headquarters is in heaven.  And like Abraham, all believers are just pilgrims passing through and living in a temporary tent of a body, which will become an eternal mansion in the by and by.  It will be a body more awesome, solid, real and beautiful than the one you live in today.  Such a deal! (John 14:1-3)  This lack of a homestead on earth is a distasteful concept to many a woman, preferring a mansion in heaven similar to the ones in Beverly Hills, Bel Air, and Miami Beach.

1 Corinthians 9:16-19

For though I preach the gospel, I have nothing to glory of: for necessity is laid upon me; yea, woe is unto me, if I preach not the gospel!  For if I do this thing willingly, I have a reward: but if against my will, a dispensation of the gospel is committed unto me.  What is my reward then? Verily that, when I preach the gospel, I may make the gospel of Christ without charge, that I abuse not my power in the gospel.  For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.

This ministry “without charge” one might call “The no paycheck is my paycheck,” and is the example for those in the employ of the Lord Jesus Christ.  Some will challenge, “Well if you don’t have a paycheck, how will you make ends meet?”  Will God just drop groceries off on your doorstep?” Yep.  Been there, done that.

As it happened, when I was a young Christian and quit my job as a church janitor to minister fulltime, I figured if the scripture was true, the Lord would provide a way.  But before taking off, some tried to dissuade me and challenged my sanity.  They’d ask, “So, do you think God will just drop some groceries off on your doorstep?”  Well, later, for example, I came home to find several brown paper bags stuffed with groceries on the doorstep from an anonymous source.  Also, during that time, a bumper crop of peaches was harvested in the backyard whose heavily laden branches had to be propped up with scraps of lumber to keep the boughs from breaking.  There was also an offer to pick oranges on a certain property which amounted to ten grocery bags full; plus, the time I gathered 10 gallons of green olives to cure.  Yummm!  There were other incidences of this sort, and, as a matter of fact, I had a surplus of food and gave it to a church’s food bank.  After all, what can one do with a hundred pounds of dried pinto beans?  Also, without asking for money or passing a plate, people would donate money or offer their services to help.  In addition, most of my regular and clerical garb was bought at “Sally’s” (Salvation Army) where I got great deals; once on a brown suit for $2.00.  And, being so well dressed, no wonder people would call me “Doctor Pearson” from time to time while making my rounds.  (As a side note: You can listen to “The Rolls Royce at Sally’s” on YouTube, about an amusing day shopping at the Salvation Army.)

Luke 14:25-27

And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them, If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.  And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.

This unsettling word from the Lord Jesus, and his use of the word hate, is found in most translations because one cannot change the word hate to lessen the impact without receiving condemnation from legitimate Greek scholars.  And if you would like the word hate here to mean love less, it doesn’t.  In a nutshell, it means to hate the physical and natural love you have for people, especially your immediate relatives and your own self, and love them more importantly, with the high agape love of God.   Does that sound a little more palatable?  Maybe not.  And maybe this is a cup one doesn’t want to be offered from the Lord which can come with some fiery consequences.

The truth is, we are to apply the agape love of God to everyone equally.  This is just like the Lord Jesus did, whether they are our natural father, or mother, or wife, or children, or brothers or sisters, or even our own selves.  As you may remember, in Mark Chapter 3, when the Lord Jesus was notified that his visiting family was waiting on the outside of his crowd of students, he in God’s love, didn’t see them, and said, “Who is my mother, or my brethren?  And he looked round about on them which sat about him, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!”  As you can figure out, the Lord is to be number one in your life, and number two, and number three, ad infinitum.  Listen: If he is the only love in your life, then you will love everyone else through him by your obedience, which is God’s way.

This reminds me of the guy who was married to a woman that was in opposition to everything he did in ministry.  Her negative reactions became so predictable, he knew if he did something in the Lord’s work, or was about to, he’d have marital problems.  Then over time, he also figured, correctly, he must be doing something right if he caught some flack.   But unfortunately, many a man has succumbed to pressure from their wife, and bypassed the Lord’s direction, to please her.  As they say, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

About now, you ought to be thinking of the Garden of Eden incident when Adam, knowing full well it was disobedience to eat the forbidden fruit, ate it to please his wife, and then sin entered into the world.  Eve in this case, however, was naively and unknowingly duped into being the first messenger of Satan.

Anyway, after a two week fast by the husband in the story, followed by three or four days of a spiritual battle and praying continuously 24/7, he got the victory.   Then, after passing this milestone, he was able to do what the Lord wanted him to do, no matter how much fiery wrath she loosed.  And after a year or so, she headed back to Mammonville.  (I Corinthians 7:15)

Another case of a husband putting the Lord before his wife, but with a different ending, was the young couple who were preparing to go to Africa in 1920 as missionaries.  After taking physicals, the newly married wife was informed she had a heart murmur and might not be able to go.  She asked her husband what he was going to do if she couldn’t go to the mission field, and his response was, “The Lord has called me to Africa.”  But as it turned out, she was able to go in the end, and they had a fruitful ministry there for fifty years and several more years after retiring.  By the way, she died at 96 years old.

This now leads to the advice of the Lord on the same subject…

1 Corinthians 7:29-31

But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; and they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; and they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.

So, men, when it comes to serving the Lord with that perfect gift from above (your wife), you must have the mind of an unmarried man sometimes when complying with the Lord’s demands.  In other words, ask yourself in those prickly situations, “What would the Lord have me to do if I weren’t attached to a wife?”  And after having a sip of that cup you are offered, your wife may not like the choice you make, but she ought to accept it by faith and go with the leading of the Lord; and in the end, you’ll both be blessed.  But if you have to leave those close alliances behind to follow the Lord, there are encouraging compensations.

Luke 18:29-30

And he said unto them, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God's sake, Who shall not receive manifold more in this present time, and in the world to come life everlasting.

Here is revealed that the Lord makes up abundantly for your personal losses in this lifetime and in the eternity to come. 

Now, at this point, I could just give you some references to the persecutions/blessings for the servants of the Lord Jesus Christ, but I’ll quote the scriptures, lest you procrastinate about looking them up and not get the full impact.

 Matthew 10:16-24

Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.  But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues; And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.   And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.   But when they persecute you in this city, flee ye into another: for verily I say unto you, Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel, till the Son of man be come.   The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord. 

Wives, your hubby won’t be a popular person amongst the majority of this world, which is made up of unbelievers, especially to those camouflaged in sheepskins.  And for a hint on who the sheepskin bunch are, you can do the simple math: “for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.” (Luke 16:15)  A lot of them are hiding behind their sheepskin diplomas, too.

 Matthew 10:34-36

Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.  For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.  And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

Here’s a cheery passage for those who highly esteem their relatives, clans, and family trees.  Think of it: You and your husband will have the ties of old family relationships severed, knowing when you were adopted into God’s family you were removed from the natural family for your benefit and theirs. “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”  “Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.”  Your new and eternal adopted family becomes the family of God.

Well, I guess you could say there is good news and bad news for finding a good Christian husband, but for those who are in the kingdom of God, it is only the good news of the gospel that counts.

In conclusion: The hardships a woman may have to endure, as the wife of a minister of the Lord Jesus Christ, may be many, and his pay not be so great - but retirement is out of this world!

God loves you.  Read your Bible.  The truth is in there or the truth you are trying to avoid.



The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen